I would describe myself as quite a religious person, I definitely believe that God exists, and it’s something that I have dedicated time and thought too.
But recently, I had been caught in a bit of religious turmoil; I was facing one of the trickiest issues in my life, the issue of converting. Now, you always hear of people converting to Islam, Christianity, or Judaism to marry someone or the other. But, somehow I don’t get the feeling, that those people are hard core believers, who would love to shout out the Glory of God to passers-by, as I would like to, if I thought it made a difference, but anyway I digress. Those of you know me quite well, will know I’ve got a lot of Christian friends, well I guess, it’s more like one prominent one, and several acquaintances who I guess I could call friends. Anyway, the issue of our different religions had always been a subtle issue, but nothing really had ever come from it.
Now it just so happens, that at a particular Christian event that I had gone to, there were several attractive girls there, I got to talking, and I guess as time passed, and I don’t know, if we grew closer, or not, but started talking to each other a bit more frequently. The issue of ‘conversion’ cropped up again; since I had heard Christian girls only go out with Christian guys, so it was almost like if I converted, I had a chance.
To tell you the truth, the thing that bothered me the most, was that because of this, I started considering conversion more and more, than I had when my friend had been trying to convince me. I really don’t think, it’s something that I wanted to face, that I could be this shallow in my belief, or in my personality that I would even consider changing my religion over something as trivial as a girl. I even tried thinking of new ways of trying to align my old belief structure, and the new one, and trying to make them combine in some way, so that I wouldn’t feel like I was abandoning anything.
I really don’t know, but a great thing happened on my train ride back home, I started talking to this guy, who was a Zoroastrian, and his belief was quite similar to mine. Literally, all roads lead to God, let everyone do what they want, you believe in what you believe, and I felt really good, I must say. I really don’t know why I had been torturing myself over this stuff. But, moreover I looked back on all of this with an objective eye, and I realized that I really didn’t want to convert; I wanted to get the fringe benefits, and try and not feel guilty of not actually believing. The very same girl actually said on the train “Yeah, you can fool all of us, but you can’t fool God”. I remember, yeah but at least now, I get all the good stuff, but then I was just like, yeah, it’s true, I’m here, ready to give my beliefs, the thing that I believe has carried me through to where I am today for a chance with a girl.
So I sit here writing this down, not because I wanted expose myself bare on a public forum, but to lay my thoughts down, and remind myself that God, and religion is not something to just be toyed with for the fringe benefits, as well as for the obvious cathartic benefits. I also wanted to ask you guys who read this, (without me looking over your shoulder), what’s your take on the situation, is it really abhorrent to you, as is slowly become apparent to me. Or could you understand where I’m coming from.
Gaurav (at peace now)
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
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